by Shonnie | Aug 20, 2012 | Mindfulness, Parenting Practice, The Needs of Children
“Your children are genius creators who have just arrived from Nonphysical, who are feeling empowered. And if they would be left to their own devices, they would not go astray. They would maintain worthiness; they would maintain their feeling of Well-Being. They would thrive, unless it was taught otherwise to them. In other words, if others don’t do something to change their vibration, they are in a vibration of thriving.” ~ Abraham One of our most profound opportunities as parents is to support our children in becoming themselves. Not merely the son or daughter mom or dad thinks they should be or the person grandma/uncle/teacher/preacher would like to have them become, but who they were meant to be. The seed is there from conception, ready to become its full embodiment. It needs not our instructions on how to grow, nor our judgement of its form. In fact, like the quote from Abraham above notes, these inputs will restrict our child’s flowering rather than fostering this unfolding. How to help a child blossom If your desire is to support your son or daughter to become the fullest expression of him/herself, here are some ways to succeed. Pay attention to what they are naturally drawn to and encourage their exploration and passion. The video below from human development specialist, Peter L. Benson, has some practical ideas for encouraging children’s spark (Sparks: How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers. One powerful tool to use in knowing our children is listening fully to them, seeking simply to hear them and care about what they’re saying. Give them plenty of free...
by Shonnie | Jul 20, 2012 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Self-mastery
Parents truthfully have no knowledge of what our kids should or shouldn’t do. I’m quite certain that most parents would ardently disagree with this statement. And even though I wrote this and wholeheartedly agree with it, I sometimes act as if I do think I know what my daughter should/shouldn’t do. So why, if we parents truly don’t know what our children should do, do we keep up the charade? We believe that parenting is about teaching our children what to do Whether you call it “teaching,” “training,” “guiding,” or “parenting,” most of us see ourselves in the capacity of “wise elder” to our child’s “beginner” status. Unconsciously or consciously we see our children as lacking knowledge of how to behave and we feel compelled to build that knowledge base. There are two problems with this perspective: It casts our children as “less than” rather than whole, worthy, and enough exactly as they are; and it casts us as “better than” rather than simply a child with more enculturation. It ascribes to us a false sense of authority which can shut down our child’s openness to alternative ideas and also put us on a very shaky pedestal of omniscience. What I believe that most parents know is how our culture tells us to behave and how we actually do behave. We’ve assimilated the beliefs of our culture and made up other beliefs out of our own growing up experience. We call it by many names — the “rules,” the “way life works,” the “facts” — but the truth is that our shoulds/shouldn’ts are merely beliefs. “Forgive him, for he...
by Shonnie | Jun 21, 2012 | Mindfulness, Parenting Practice
“A happy wedlock is a long falling in love.” ~ Theodore Parker For me this quote could be altered to apply equally to parenting: a happy family life is a long falling in love. Thinking back to time with my newborn daughter I’m reminded of the overflowing emotion, especially a feeling of love, that pervaded our home. I could while away hours simply watching her, smelling her, or stroking her soft skin. Each day with her brought new experiences, discoveries about who she was, what she needed, how she communicated and, of course discoveries about myself as a mother — who I was, what I had to give, how I communicated. As my daughter has grown the discoveries haven’t ended, yet I sometimes forget that each day is still new and our journey together uncharted. As a mama I think one of the greatest gifts I can offer my daughter is to be open to seeing her with new eyes daily, tuning in to who she is in this moment and this experience and seeking to learn what it is she’s asking for from me (and what she’s offering to me as well). Staying in the now It’s so easy to rely on our history with someone and forget to keep paying attention. Though we often say it in words — “They grow up so fast.” — we seem to sometimes act as if who are children are is frozen in time. I want to offer my daughter the space to change and grow, to try on new ways of being, new ideas, new choices. I want to grant...
by Shonnie | Jun 11, 2012 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Parenting Practice
“If you shut your door to all errors truth will be shut out.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore Growing up my parents read to me from the Berenstain Bears stories where the papa bear often touted his wisdom whilst in the midst of doing unwise things. It was funny to watch him say “do as I do,” then get into a big mess, and pretend like his own action hadn’t caused his predicament. Papa bear’s model, however, reminds me of one of the things we often do as parents — pretend like or try to present the image that we’re perfect. Our children know we’re not perfect — heck they’re usually are on the receiving end of our greatest moments of imperfection — so acting as if we are doesn’t fool them. And, of course, even if we don’t like to admit it, we know we’re simply human, so we can’t fool ourselves either. “It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit to forgive them for having witnessed your own.” ~ Jessamyn West Why show your fallibility to your children? I grew up thinking my mom was perfect in some fundamental way. Yes, I knew she yelled at me, was sometimes inattentive, and perhaps a bit too nice, but I carted her around as my role model for how I should be. From this I created an unattainable standard that I was to meet if I was to be loveable and worthy. I’ve spent many of my adult years releasing this impossible demand and still get tripped up by it from time to time. So let’s...
by Shonnie | May 21, 2012 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Self-mastery
Feeling guilty over what we’ve done or not done, how we did “it” or why, or what we’re contemplating or fantasizing about doing is probably a universal parenting experience. We’ve been taught that our actions are either “right” or “wrong,” and thus we constantly judge ourselves as either “good enough” or “not enough” based on this judgment (and/or we judge other parents and they judge us). “Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal.” ~ Bishop Robert South Guilt doesn’t make us better parents The problem is that feeling guilty doesn’t serve us or our children and it only reinforces the notion that our loveability — and that of our children — is conditional. In other words, when we do “right” we believe we’re worthy, loveable, keep-able but when we do “wrong” we suddenly think we’re unworthy, unloveable, and easy to discard. When this is what we believe and experience ourselves, this is the legacy we pass on to our children. Scott Noelle of EnjoyParenting.com has a great substitution for our guilt. When we feel guilt, let it redirect rather than reduce us. He describes the scenario this way: “You’d simply feel ‘off’ whenever your behavior was out of alignment with your values. That ‘off’ feeling would be a welcome sign that you need to adjust your course. And with your self-worth beyond dispute [because you know you’re loveable regardless of how you behave], you’d be confident in your ability to get back...
