Love for Daddy

Yesterday was Father’s Day and it was the first time in my life that my Dad wasn’t alive to get my Father’s Day call or read my Father’s Day card. I’m lucky to still have two living grandpas and also one step-dad, and, of course, my parenting partner is a blessing too. Yet the absence of the man I began life with was hard on my heart. So today, I wanted to share a bit of what I wrote and read about my Dad, Robert Lavender, at his memorial service earlier this year. Remembering my Dad The number one thing to know about my Dad is that his over-riding inspiration was love. His love and devotion for me were something I questioned only in rare moments when my own fears made up stories of how he might lose his love for me. I was certain of his love because it was obvious in the choices he made even if it wasn’t always spoken directly. My Dad – in all his humanity – was one of the most loving and devoted people I know. For 41 years I was blessed by and benefited from the love he had for me. He was present in my life even when the physical distance was great. He was a kind and patient teacher for years that I can’t even consciously remember. He buoyed, applauded, and supported me from sidelines of all sorts. He opened up the world to me in ways I still discover long after the original opportunity was taken. He freely gave his love even when he wished I would choose...

Uncluttering Childhood

Welcome to the March edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival – Clearing the Clutter cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month our participants wrote about de-cluttering and cleaning up. Please check out the links to their thoughts at the end of this post. Before I decided to have a child, part of what I thought I wouldn’t like about being a parent was having a messy home. Yes, I was a neat-freak and still prefer an orderly space (not spic and span, simply clean-ish and well-organized). What I didn’t realize is that children attract clutter in so many ways that decluttering is an ongoing activity of modern family life. Why children are clutter magnets First, let me clarify that when I say “clutter,” I’m referring to anything that I think is unnecessary or unwanted. It’s the stuff that takes up space — physical and mental — that I’d prefer to leave free or use for other purposes. Whether it is an unsuitable gift from a relative, a trinket that your child is “awarded” at a doctor/dentist visit, some flora or fauna your wee naturalist has collected, bits of partially-eaten food, an “experiment” your budding scientist has started, or an art project your beginning painter has created, children draw stuff to them and leave stuff in their wake as they move through their day. There is no criticism here, just my observation of life with child. Children are clutter magnets because: People love to gift the children they...

Sowing seeds of self-love in our children

Welcome to the October 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Instilling a Healthy Self-Image This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared confessions, wisdom, and goals for helping children love who they are. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants. *** “Can you do something so her upper lip will cover more of her gums when she smiles?” my mom asked the orthodontist, not realizing how this question would stick with me for decades. As I sit for a professional photographer my stepdad laughed while calling, “Don’t blink!,” making me even more nervous than I already was in the brightly lit studio. My parents were good people who loved me and were proud of me, yet they unconsciously did things that chipped away at my self-esteem. Like most parents of their era and many parents even today, I think they didn’t realize how great their impact was on how I felt about myself. Instead of feeling comfortable in my own skin, I often looked outside myself for acceptance, relying on others’ praise to feel worthy, loveable, and even normal. Conversely, when others didn’t compliment me or made critical remarks, I withered and doubted myself because I gave their viewpoints so much weight. And I worked diligently to be flawless (at least by the standards my family valued) so that even when I believed myself flawed inside, the outside world would see only a smart, talented, composed, popular, and “in” girl. My parents...

Kids and passion — Are you fanning or dousing the flames?

“Your children are genius creators who have just arrived from Nonphysical, who are feeling empowered. And if they would be left to their own devices, they would not go astray. They would maintain worthiness; they would maintain their feeling of Well-Being. They would thrive, unless it was taught otherwise to them. In other words, if others don’t do something to change their vibration, they are in a vibration of thriving.” ~ Abraham One of our most profound opportunities as parents is to support our children in becoming themselves. Not merely the son or daughter mom or dad thinks they should be or the person grandma/uncle/teacher/preacher would like to have them become, but who they were meant to be. The seed is there from conception, ready to become its full embodiment. It needs not our instructions on how to grow, nor our judgement of its form. In fact, like the quote from Abraham above notes, these inputs will restrict our child’s flowering rather than fostering this unfolding. How to help a child blossom If your desire is to support your son or daughter to become the fullest expression of him/herself, here are some ways to succeed. Pay attention to what they are naturally drawn to and encourage their exploration and passion. The video below from human development specialist, Peter L. Benson, has some practical ideas for encouraging children’s spark (Sparks: How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers. One powerful tool to use in knowing our children is listening fully to them, seeking simply to hear them and care about what they’re saying. Give them plenty of free...